For years, I had a dream, a dream of New Year’s resolutions.

          Not mine. Resolutions of others, near and far, big and small, famous and not, in sports and not. Every day, one saw and read and heard stuff that drove you batpoop crazy, and you hoped, prayed, looked for a voodoo doll, that people sought to better.

          We’re almost halfway through the year, and, well, here’s part of the list of my fantasy resolutions – and resolution-like goals - from others – some non-sports hopes slide in - for 2021 that have yet to be executed, so here’s a head start toward hopes for 2022.

          This is List No. 1, only because it’s first.

Big Ten

          To dump that absurd BIG logo for something that just says who you are. Please. People need to stop letting bored design/tech/programming people do stuff to impress each other that’s irrelevant to the rest of us.

Facility public address people

          To utilize the annoying and overdone “Iiiiiiiiiiit’s thiiirrrrrrrd doowwwwwwwnnnnn” thing only 10 times a game, max, and mostly only in the red zone and the final two minutes. So, OK, a half-dozen times.

Pssst, it doesn’t inspire the team. Never has, never will, and kinda sounds desperate. Ditto “onnnnne minute, one minute.” For the blind folks in the stands, apparently.

College conferences (from big boys to Christian associations)   

          To put rosters in media guides for every sport, which should take no effort because the info is, like, right there. Since the point of media guides is to help boost coverage, note that very relevant information helps boost coverage. Imagine.

          And on lower levels, they need to be proofed by players, because the amount of mistakes is stunning. By now, we should never see “Warner Robbins” or “Dooley County”, among others. Let’s not let lazy win.

Coaches

          Resolve to realize you shouldn’t tell an official “that’s not your call” because that’s copout. Their job is to call what they see, and they see more than you. Or they don’t. They call what they see, and Ref A may be farther away than Ref B but have a better viewing angle. A coach, pressure or not, who doesn’t want the right call, from whomever, is a moron.

          Note, too, that refs aren’t wearing team colors, and they tend to have the worst angle in the building. Note that every time you follow “that’s not your call” to “you gotta call that” or “how’d you miss that?”, you can get a flag, technical, or near-ejection warning.

College conference/team sports info folks

          To put some better info in non-routine releases – like major honors, academics, etc. – like a kid’s hometown and/or high school in the release. You have the info. Whole lot easier for all sorts of media to brag on the kid at your school with “Guard Tye Fagan (Thomaston, Ga./Upson-Lee) was named SEC player of the week …” Ditto for those who use Google alerts. Less idiotic social media productions, ridiculous Twitter obsessions, more relevance would be outstaaaaanding. Quit worrying about COSIDA and social media awards.

Friday night high school football game “describers”

          Resolve to, you know, be intelligent. Smarter. Informed. Please, be informed. Know your region, the team nicknames, your own players, assorted scenarios, what’s going on, the impact of the game, some stuff on the other team.

          Paid or not, you have a job, and please resolve to offer the most basic competence at that job. There are some places *coughcough* that provide all sorts of information that help you not look/sound silly. So, ya know, yearn to not look/sound silly. Er, resolve to not look/sound silly.

Football coaches

          To never call a timeout in the first quarter, or the third quarter (in the red-zone is the only exception). Take a knee, take a 5-yard penalty. You can get the plays back. You can get the yards back. You will never, ever, everrrrrrr get the timeout back, and they’re invaluable. (College teams have 4o people at a football game with headsets on, and clock management is inexplicably rocket science. Georgia lost to Alabama in the 2012 SEC finale because timeout botching).

High school public address announcers

          To say less. Much less. Especially about officials. Because you have no idea what you’re complaining about, in part because you didn’t see the play, and if you did, it was through team-colored glasses. From 75 yards away, and high up. Knowing what the signals mean – and you’ve been doing this for 20 years – is kinda nice, too.

NFL Memes

          Resolved to be less crappy and predictable and petty. There’s no need to say something cheap and snotty at every single opportunity. It’s usually not all that funny. Waiting a minute can be funnier, and when y’all aren’t petty and predictable, y’all can be tears-in-my-eyes funny. No need to be a jerk more often than not. There’s enough of that. Consider raising the level of humor a bit. And raise the spelling/grammar level to at least upperclass high school a little bit more.

People at microphones

          To never, ever, everrrrrr again say “Batawwn Rooooge” or “Meeechigan” or “Joisey”. Please. “What? He must be in Baton Rouge or Michigan or Jersey because he sounds like it.” It’s pathetic to think verbally butchering/cartooning or stereotyping is, what, colorful? Mispronouncing is colorful? Resolve to raise your standards, and move from cartoonish. Would that keyboards and headset be zapped with each violation.

Teams

          To realize the waste of, well, normal stuff to have all these uniform combos, or special unis for a game or something. You got that much money and time just sitting around? You really need the attention for doing good? The reality is that it sells and attracts about nothing of substance.

Skip it and actually spend the money on charity, and have players show up at an event for charity.

  We’ll start next week with List No. 2. Soooo many needed resolutions out there.